(Note: The following story is fourth part of ‘Drops of Clashes’ series made for blog and coined ‘Beries’ or Blog Series.)

Lyrics included in this post are courtesy of the following:
– Apologize originally performed by OneRepublic and written by its frontman Ryan Tedder and produced by Greg Wells; from the album ‘Dreaming Out Loud’, recorded and released in 2006 under the label Mosley Music Group and Interscope.
– Angel originally performed and written by Sarah McLachlan and produced by Pierre Marchand; from the album ‘Surfacing’, recorded in 1997 and released in November 24, 1998 under the label Nettwerk Records and Artista Records.

“I’m holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground.
And I’m hearing what you say but I just can’t make a sound.
You tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down but wait.
You tell me that you’re sorry, didn’t think I’d turn around and say…”

There was a short moment of silence after those lines. The songstress in the loft paused after her brief a cappella. The solemnity of her rendition created a more saddening atmosphere in the chapel. Then, the violinist struck the string, the songstress followed the note.

“That it’s too late to apologize. It’s too late.
I said it’s too late to apologize. It’s too late.”

Jake’s tears started to drop. He knew the song well but he can’t manage to sing it. The melody tore his heart apart. His father strongly felt Jake’s pain. He offered his hanky, his weeping son accepted it. The harp joined the company.

“I’d take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.
And I need you like a heart need to beat but it’s nothing new.
I love you with the fire red now it’s turning blue
And you say, sorry like an angel
Heaven let me think was you
But I’m afraid…
It’s too late to apologize. It’s too late.
I said it’s too late to apologize. It’s too late.”

The songstress paused again. The violin remained in the music bed. Jake’s younger cousins walked towards the altar one by one. They placed the lighted white candles on candleholders standing on both sides of casket of Jake’s mom. The songstress hummed. More of Jake’s relatives wiped their cheeks. Jake’s younger cousins went back to the pews. Jake was still trying to compose himself when the songstress pitched.

“It’s too late to apologize. It’s too late.
I said it’s too late to apologize. It’s too late.”

Jake embraced his father, the moment was indeed unbearable. While he was trying to console his son, tears flowed out from his eyes.

“I said it’s too late to apologize.
I said it’s too late to apologize.”

The strumming faded and left the songstress singing the last part.

“I’m holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground.”

The song ended but not Jake’s sorrow. He tried to gain his self back. His father patted his left shoulder, somewhat giving him son the strength he badly needs. Then Jake stood and walked
towards the lectern.

“Before I entered this serene chapel, I saw a tree outside. The sight of leaves falling to the ground, reminded me of a question which was raised before by a good friend of mine and I quote, ‘The leaves don’t know when to fall, does the wind know?’ Back then, I didn’t know what to response. I thought I found the answer upon entering the chapel.”

Before he continued, he checked out his father and he nodded to him.

“It takes a lot of beautiful leaves to make up a flourishing tree. But once leaves have fulfilled its function, when it cannot absorb rays anymore, that is the time. When it has given all its strength, surely there will come a time, it will be detached. I am not certain if I am making sense but I thought this is the best way to associate my mom – one of the leaves in a tree. I thought this world is the tree and we are the leaves. After doing our share in making up a beautiful tree, we all come to a point when we have to be detached. Mom did earlier than expected.”

Jake made glances to his relatives. Then, he proceeded.

“Some of you may have thought I instigated force so mom would lose her grip from the branch. You guys never knew, felt and understood how painful my decision was. I signed a waiver yes, that is for the doctor to stop inducing medicines into mom’s body. Back then, I thought there is no way helping to bring back her strength. Her death certificate indicated she died of renal failure and that is because of my decision. Some impressions were made that I was the one responsible for her demise.”

Tears fell from Jake’s eyes while he looked at the ceiling of the chapel. He fixed the microphone and continued.

“You guys never knew, felt and understood my agony. During those times when mom had to cry loud because of excruciating pain, we thought we were helpless and I cried in silence. You can say that perhaps I never felt her pain because I was never with her when she was struggling. Dad knew how afraid I was of losing mom. I chose not to be with her yes, but that was because I was very much afraid. You guys never knew, felt and understood the grief of a son. I begged for her life. Instead of an answer, I was offered a question. Before I made a decision, I had the chance to speak to mom. I did not ask her anything. I just embraced her and she smiled in return before uttering, ‘Jake, it’s time.’”

One of Jake’s cousins went near to him and offered tissue. He wiped his eyes but he was still sobbing.

“You guys never knew, felt and understood my decision. Heaven knows that it was strongly against my will to decide on mom’s fate. I don’t have the right to take away her life. I thought I nodded because her suffering was more than enough. I had second thoughts when they handed me down the document I need to sign. I cried in pain. I was trembling when they gave the ballpoint. Reality bit us, there is no other way.”

This time, Jake’s mourning became more intense.

“You guys never knew, felt and understood what we went through. Despite all the negative remarks we received… despite the additional pain we have to endure… despite the unbearable thoughts, I thank you for sharing this moment with us. In behalf of my dad, I extend my deepest gratitude to all those who comforted us. With all my heart, I thank you guys for putting up with us. I could not thank the heavens enough for those who have shared their time and love for my mom. I sincerely apologize if I have hurt someone. I never thought… I really never thought that I would not be hurt by some of you but I felt the pain. Despite that, I knew, felt and understood where you came from.”

Jake tried to be calm and then he delivered the last part of his eulogy.

“To you mom, my apologies. You knew very well how I love you. My heart breaks. My spirit weeps. I may have found the answer when the leaves shall fall but I will never have the will to make it fall.”

Jake stepped down and went back to his dad whereupon he was embraced by his relatives and so goes the mourning.

The pianist played his instrument slowly and Carrie started singing.

“Spend all your time waiting for that second chance…
For the break that would make it okay…”

While Carrie was doing her act, Jake looked at her from where he was standing. He expressed his gratitude to her for giving in to his request to sing for the necrological service. He moved his lips and uttered a soundless, ‘Thank you.” Carrie read his lips and vowed her head to acknowledge Jake’s message.

Jake then spotted the guy who is playing the piano and struck the violin earlier. Jake waved his left hand to extend his regards to the great musician. Ash smiled back at him.

… to be continued

(Note: The following story is third part of ‘Drops of Clashes’ series made for blog and coined ‘Beries’ or Blog Series.)

Insensitivity has its peak and that could be true with what happened early morning in Manila.

“This is what I am talking about…” Carrie seemed pissed.

“Talking about what? That childish Jake?” Chessieca mocked.

“Please Chessieca, be civil enough for heaven’s sake,” begged Jush.

“And so this is what it’s all about, right? It all boils down to me! Come on tell me guys, what seems to be the matter? What’s wrong? Redgeen, tell me, did I offend your potential stalker?” Chessieca walked towards Redgeen who have been silent after the confrontation in the parking lot.

“You want me to answer that? Yes, Chessieca it’s all about you!” exclaimed Redgeen. Both Jush and Carrie were surprised with the strength of Redgeen’s response. “As for your second stupid and non-sense, question, no! Twas only earlier I’ve met Jake. I barely knew the guy. I dunno what came to your empty brain that you asserted I’m head over heels with him. And oh, don’t you dare nag me as if you’re wearing holy cross! You don’t have the bragging rights to insult anyone of us just because you said you can!” Redgeeen seemed to have a lot of power in the situation. She saw how Chessieca played her lips and that precocious act annoyed her. Then Redgeen pushed Chessieca. Chessieca, who had several glasses of Black Russian earlier lost her balance and fumbled.

“For one thing Chessieca… you’re such a wasted dealer!” Redgeen immediately walked away from the group. Jush called her out, “Redge, please.” Jush tried to run after Redgeen when she stopped and responded, “She’s hopeless.” Then she grabbed a cab.

Carrie offered her right hand so Chessieca can stand but the rich kid resisted, “Don’t bother, Carrie. If you guys intend to make a homily, I will certainly not listen. You two can leave. I’m damn fine.” Jush and Carrie left as they were told. They, too, have had enough. Chessieca was left seating in the pavement, twas a pity or so.

“Come on, I will bring you home. Stand now, foxy,” a guy extended his left hand to Chessieca. Baffled, she raised her head a bit to see her would be-saviour. “Chad, what are you doing here?”

“Libis please…” Redgeen told the driver where she intends to head for while checking her mobile if someone accepted the calls she made but the other party did not answer. “What a way to start the morning,” she thought.

“Two orders of grande white choco mocha frap and one order of pan-roasted porkloin, much thanks, see you later mate,” Jush handed out the bill and turned to his fiance, Carrie. “Good morning my dear! I think this is a better way of starting the day rather than going home straight and reel from what transpired earlier, don’t you agree my dear?” Carrie somewhat dumbfounded, “I strongly felt their pain, I regret they need to suffer the idiosyncrasies of Chessie.” Jush after sipping his frap, chatted, “Everything will be alright. Sh*t happens, maybe once, maybe twice.” Carrie refused to believe, “That’s not about it Jush. Jake and Redge deserve to have fun as much as we do but see what they endured. I hope things will be ok for the two. I wanna see them again.” Jush just nodded.

Jake drove his way home. After he cut the call from Carrie earlier, he received some more calls, all of which he didn’t bother to answer because he was driving. He parked his beautiful car in their garage. Settled, he saw his mobile flaunting five missed calls – two from Carrie, two from Chessieca and one from Jush. He contemplated whether he will make return calls but he thought, it would be better to let everything be settled by themselves. He chose to remain silent after that uncalled situation between Chessieca and Redgeen. Besides, he’s got another situation that needs to be dealt with – a painful moment he never knew would happen.

Jake was flabbergasted certainly by the heated argument in Manila. Everything went smoothly with the troop earlier in the bar. The youngsters were having a lot of fun – sort of escape from all those bitter turn of events. Jake thought, his was the most unfavorable. He can still remember the stabbing pain in his chest. He can still remember how his eyes lamented for that unfateful chapter in his life. He can still remember how he stood before those unfair remarks he received from his relatives, most of whom blamed him.

Jake’s father stood behind the window of his room. He saw the arrival of his still recuperating son. He observed Jake from above. Jake is still inside his Porsche. He remained seated there and silent. What is seen from his car’s rear mirror is a pitiful sight – he was crying in pain. He thought going out with the guys in Manila would save his soul from what seemed to be endless yearning and bitterness but he proved himself wrong. Twas indeed inescapable especially when the disc jock played a song Jake thought of not hearing again but the air waves carried the beat that resembles more of an elegy.

… to be continued

(Note: The following story is second part of the ‘Drops of Clashes’ series made for blog and coined ‘Beries’ or Blog Series.)

4:01pm, Makati City
The speaker in Chessieca’s cluttered room is screaming.

“Oh yeah! Like that don’t you?” Chessieca moaned to her viewer’s delight. The mobile beside her notebook beeped. She saw it blinking but she chose to ignore it.

She paused for a while and thought of something. Then, she prompted her mate, “I made your night braggy, it’s way too much. Purchase more stuff for me if you wanna see more.”

She was wondering a bit why she can’t view the guy via webcam. She heeded to guy’s request to see her upper body only because the guy promised her an expensive piece of jewelry. It doesn’t matter who’s viewing she thought. She was sure the gift will be delivered in her place not later than two days. She flipped her hair and wore her favorite sexy top.

Her unidentified chatmate typed, “A promise is a promise, ciao!” He then closed the webcam window.

Chessieca turned off the boom box and said, “Whew, finally it’s done! Can’t wait for my bling!”

“Chessie, your friend’s on the phone!” their helper knocked. “Coming!” she blurted and went downstairs.

3:10pm, Quezon City
“Is that supposed to be my problem? You know what? I wasted five years with you, I gave up a lot of opportunities just because I thought I can’t live in heavens without you freak! Then what do I get now? A whole lot of crap? That’s extreme madness! I don’t wanna lose my sanity! I crossed all the lines, didn’t care what my folks said. Damn! I don’t deserve serving your ass! I can’t afford to stand next to you while staring at me like nothing’s wrong! Damn! You know what, I really regret that day I gave you another chance! You started it, now I’ll finish it! This is over! I’m done with you!”

That was Redgeen shouting at her boyfriend, Ash on her cellphone. She just had a relaxing massage and headed for the locker room when Ash called her to apologize. So mad that she was, she threw the glass of ice-cold lemon mix which the staff of the bathhouse offered.

Things between her and Ash really got worse. Few days ago, she learned how Ash cheated her for having an affair with his girl bestfriend. She considered that her darkest moment. She never thought that the guy whom she loved so much would do such a thing. She never thought her boyfriend would engage to such deception. She never thought their relationship will turn out that bad after she fought for Ash. Redgeen struggled so hard for her parents to accept Ash. Now, she thought her parents were right.

Redgeen received a message. She unlocked the keypad and read the message out loud, “Hey, where are you? Been calling you but I can’t get through your number.” Redgeen was supposed to reply when her mobile’s battery trailed off. “My oh my, where is my charger?” Redgeen opened her knapsack. She was disappointed, it is nowhere to be found.

1:11pm, Pasay City
“Welcome to Manila!” greeted the Immigration officer after stamping the passport.

“Thank you so, much!” Jush acknowledged and took his booklet. After that short exchange, he immediately darted the arrival area of Centennial Terminal of Ninoy Aquino International Airport. There were a lot of well-wishers than he thought. He sneaked his hand on the pocket of his laptop bag, he searched for two objects.

“Hi, can you tell me where I can possibly get a Filo SIM and phone credits?” Jush queried. “Ano ho yun, Sir? Di ko ho naintindihan (What is that, Sir? I don’t understand.),” answered the security personnel. “Don’t bother, thank you,” Jush said. Quite surprisingly, the guard did not understand what Jush said, maybe that’s because of his accent and the use of unfamiliar words.

“Jush!” screamed a woman from his behind. Jush heard it and turned around to search who called him.

She approached Jush and said in a lowly voice, “Whew! Hotter Jush than ever!”

“Carrie, you never fail to surprise me,” Jush said before kissing her on the lips. Just when he was supposed to fix her hair, his communicator and handy phonebook slipped from his left hand.

“Sweetie, you’re not too excited to see me, huh? Look what happened,” Carrie picked up the two objects and placed it in her leather handbag. Startled with his carelessness, he just smiled at the woman he haven’t seen for quite some time. “Shall we?” asked Carrie. “Uhm, yes of course,” uttered Jush and pulled over a small trolley.

1:01pm
In what appears to be a discreet area, a man called someone while browsing some files in his metal cabinet. “I have something for you rookie and I want you do it cleverly. Listen carefully to everything I will say, ok?”

The man paused, waited for the response of the person on the other line. “Good,” a signal for the man to proceed. “I already gave the face paper to you. You have all the equipment and gadgets you will need for this task. I am giving you the sole authority to take all the measures you want to exercise for as long as you deliver what I have asked. You will work on this alone. I will open the channels so it will be easy for you. This is a simple mission and I expect that you will yield a good result. You can start working now.” The man paused again then he bade, “Goodbye.”

…to be continued

(Note: The following story is first part of the series made for blog, now coined “Beries” or Blog Series.)

“Jake, this is Chessieca… Chessieca this is Jake,” said Jush.

Chessieca, your emo next door lady. Don’t be fooled by the rich kid look, she has got an attitude that is unbecoming.

Past midnight, in a famous club in Manila…

“I don’t understand what’s going on with Ash. He’s got a lot of issues and it’s annoying me so much,” Redgeen confided.

“Have you spoke to him? Chances are, you haven’t got into the bottom of those things,” Carrie comforting Redgeen.

Chessieca after sipping Black Russian, dealt with Redgeen, “You know what my dear, you’ve gotta work it out. Things might take its toll and before you knew it, he’s gone.”

Redgeen disagreed, “You’re way too paranoid, honey. It’s far from being over…”

“You said so. How in the world will you get in the way…” Chessieca cuts her.

Redgeen caught Chessieca immediately, “At this… this very moment, I dunno.”

Chessieca lost her control and let out, “You know what honey, the hell I care! You’re messing up with us. We’re supposed to be having fun here ok. If you will continue with your worthless litany, might as well, I’ll leave this f*****g place coz it’s starting to get ugly.”

With that said, Redgeen stood and headed for the dancefloor. She grabbed a hunk sitted on the other table. Redgeen did her way to the guy’s delight.

Irritated, Chessieca walked out the club’s door without a word. Jush followed her and grabbed her glass of sling. They went to the parking lot. It was already five in the morning.

“Did you see that? Jush what’s wrong with her? She’s trying so hard and it’s starting to get into my nerves.” Jush decided not to respond. That is the better thing to do, he thought.

Inside the club, Carrie was observing Redgeen. Jake called the attendant and asked, “How much have we got?” Jake handed down three thousand bucks, “It’s all for you to keep.”

Jake turned to Carrie,”Let’s go.” They approached Redgeen and her new acquaintance. “Hit me up, Chad,” Redgeen bade the guy goodbye. They arrived in the auto park earlier than Chessieca expected.

Chessieca was about to confront Redgeen but she threw up the alcohol she drank earlier. Jake was quick enough to assist her. “Thanks, but no thanks,” Chessieca took the nappie from Jush.

“Redgeen, how can you be so damned?” Chessieca finally managed to face her.

Redgeen took it, she knew Chessieca was looking forward for some word war. Jush went to the side of Chessieca. Jake and Carrie to Redgeen’s.

“Quite frankly, you look pitier than I am. How messier can you still be with that growse stuff on your cheek, huh?” Redgeen took hold of the situation.

Chessieca fired back, “At least not a stupid bitch!”

“Hey, you can talk about this is in a more civilized manner.” Jake tried to make the girls calm.

“Wait a minute, what does this guy have to do with us, Carrie? What does he think he’s doing?” Chessieca exclaimed.

Before Carrie could catch her friend’s foulness, Chessieca turned her angst towards Jake. Some car owners arrived on the parking lot and noticed the slight commotion.

Jake uttered, “Look, I don’t care what problems and issues you two have. You can talk things over without yelling at each other. Is that fine with…”

Jush tried to stop Chessieca but, “I tell you what Jake, you look gorgeous with your Porsche and that slick sleeve.

You’re not Redgeen’s s****r, are you? Will you please mind your own business, loser? If I want to shout at somebody, I can do that. I am a general’s daughter and I can get away with anyone. Now if you will excuse us, Redge and I still have a lot of things to discuss. I’ve got something for you, Jake…” Chessieca raised her left arm and made a sign on her middle finger.

Both disgusted and disappointed with the situation, he boarded his wonder car but before that he said to them, “I had enough of you guys.” While driving towards his pad, Jake called up Carrie. “I can tell you, that will be the last time that I’ll be seeing you guys. You need to settle a lot and mind you, if you guys don’t fix that, you’re inviting some trouble anytime soon.”

“Jake, I apologize for whatever…” Carrie was still saying something but he dropped the call.

… to be continued